i am black. i am unique.

I am Black. I am unique. Those are six words that my princess knows how to read. They are from the book Shades of Black which are on my Shelfari bookshelf below. I am so glad that my princess knows these words, knows how beautiful her brown skin is, knows how beautiful all the shades of brown of her family and friends are. I am glad that she has a comforter set with black ballerinas on them (i was on ebay workin' it out!). I am glad that all of her dolls (and Black Barbie heads...yes Godmommy, it was worth the trip) are various shades of brown. I am glad that her towels have black ballerinas on them. I am glad that she has a turtleneck with a brown girl ice skating (i found it at tj maxx). I am glad that she has many books with illustrations that look like her (thanks to all of the family and friends who fill her book baskets with these treasures). I am glad that Bear and I celebrate being Black and unique.

You know why I am glad for these things? Earlier in the month, my princess came home from school and told me that one of her "friends" in school told her that "only light skinned people can come to her party." Well...I was shocked and appalled. The clown in me said to Princess, "well you're light skinned, so you can go." Then I stopped, got serious, and asked her how the situation went down. She said she and her BFFs (one's Puerto Rican and light like my princess and one's family is from Bangladesh and brown like my brother) were together and the girl told them that only light skinned people could come to her party. I asked Princess what she said. She said she told the girl that she didn't care and that it wasn't nice. I told her that the next time she sees that chick (yes, that's who she bacame once she messed with my baby) to tell her how beautiful her brown skin is. Tell her that she doesn't want to be at a party where people are only liked because of the way they look. I also told her to play with other people and stick with her BFFs.

I was on FIRE internally. I wanted to meet that chick in the parking lot at three o'clock the next day! I was going to jack her up!!! I am friendly with her parents. We have voluntarily socialized with them outside of school and this message didn't fit with the interactions I've had. So when I heard this mess, I had to step back and think about where this chick got the message that light skinned was better. Did her parents know she was spouting evil mess like that? Was it really what her parents thought? Did she hear it at home? Where did she get that message and why did she feel the need to tell my brown baby and her brown friends? Then I realized that I really didn't care.

I didn't care who or where the message came from. What I cared about is that it was the first incident that my baby had with people judging her or people like her based on the way they looked...the color of their skin. It was her first racial incident...she's only four! DAMN! I took my energy and reflected on what I told Princess (in my calm Mommy voice). She and her friends are beautiful with their pretty brown skin. Princess said, "Yeah Mommy, like in the song A Pretty Little Baby (Nikki Giovanni that Glo hipped her to)." Yeah Princess, just like in your book, Shades of Black. You know what she said to me..."I am Black. I am unique." What an blessing in the midst of madness!

I thank God for this intelligent, creative, giving spirit who is a proud little Black girl. I thank God for my Princess.

Now don't think that I let this go. I interrogated her about what that chick said to her every day!!! I was about to 'pproach a chick if she stepped out of line again. Don't mess with my baby!! I haven't spoken to her parents about it yet. My namesake said I should tell her parents. Part of me wants to have the conversation with them, but part of me doesn't care to talk to them about it. What I care about is my child. I care about loving my child, providing my child with a healthy and proud racial identity, preparing my child to deal with life's ills and stings. I care about letting her know that even when people say or do ugly things, that they don't define her. I care about continuing to tell her she should be proud because she is Black. She is unique.

she's baaack!

My girl Erykah Badu is back with her new single, Honey. Erykah's voice and lyrics take me to another level/place. I'm not claiming that she's so profound and deep, she just enhances my life with her gift from God. Take a listen...

cultural diffusion is what they call it now

I was tagged yesterday by my girl and fellow blogger mango mama (check out her blog Living Out LOUD http://livingoutloudnow.blogspot.com/) with a meme. What in the world is a meme? I surely didn't know. She told me it's when you are asked to share things about yourself and then you tag others, so the meme keeps going on. She told me she looked it up on google, so I did the same thing to get a better understanding. I'm new to this blogging thing and I wanted to do the right thing. Well, after looking at a few sites, I saw that a meme is a cultural diffusion, a theoretical unit of cultural information, a...chain letter. Yup, it's a good old fashioned chain letter. Mango mama didn't break the chain and neither will I.

I have been charged with sharing seven random tidbits about Jillybean...

1. I know how to do the soldier boy dance! I know, I'm almost 40, but you know I can't resist learning a new dance, line dance, or dance routine. (Don't let Thriller come on! I can crawl out of the ground and do it with the best of them. You have got to see my moonwalk. Ain't that right Auntie Jo?) Anyway, I got a short tutorial from my nephew M.H. and then Princess and I went on you tube and followed the tutorial. Well, we are two dancin' fools in here when Soldier Boy comes on. "Soldier Boy.....and superman and ho! Now watch me zoom like dat soldier boy." I love the superman part. We were jammin' to that this morning while she got dressed for school.


2. I went to Girls' High with Jill Scott. We were both on the school's choir, Treble Clef. As a matter of fact I was on there first, since she is younger than me. So, I can't figure out why she has the fabulous singing career and I don't. I know I sound good...in the shower. That's okay, my mom loves to hear me sing Hodie, Christus, Natust Est.

3. I hear myself sounding like my mother more often than I would like to admit:) One of my favorite Glo-isms comes out of my mouth when I hear, "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Moooommmmmy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" That's when I say, Mommy ran away!

4. I am writing a children's book. I have been for the past four years. Yeah, I started it when Princess was born. She's the inspriation. I got a little writer's block and haven't touched it since. I need to get on that. Especially since I'm feeling the writing bug.

5. I am going to be a part of Oprah's favorite things list in her O magazine for my natural thoughts, sistahs, and jillybabies lines of stationary, clothing, bedding, and children's furniture...one day. I am claiming that! That vibration is permiating the universe.

6. You all know that I love The Wiz, but Grease and Dirty Dancin' are numbers two and three on my favorite musical movie list! Go Grease Lightnin'! I've Had the Time of My Life! Oh, and back to item number one, I know the dance moves to go to these songs too.

7. I met Method Man, some other boy from Wutang (there are thousands of them...they are like clowns coming out of a car), and Redman. They gave me a shout out during the concert. They also politely asked me if I wanted some of their blunt since I was a teacher. FUNNY! I was also on stage with Dru Hill during a New Year's Eve party at Republic Gardens. Okay, I wasn't front and center singing Tell me What You Want with Cisco...I was more stage right...really stage right, but you could see me from the audience.

This was fun. Not like the old chain letters of the past. I like the meme. Now, I'm not sure who to tag because my blogging friends have already been tagged. I guess, I can tag all of you who read this blog. You can respond when you post a comment. I look forward to learning more about you;)

The Bean

We Need You...

I have felt a strong sense of uneasiness today. The uneasiness started yesterday afternoon when I heard that, Redskin football player, Sean Taylor had been critically wounded in his home with his girlfriend and daughter present. I'm not a serious Redskin fan. I know who Sean Taylor is, but I couldn't tell you what position he plays. But the violent invasion of his home and the senseless act that followed really upset me. I started praying.

I prayed. I didn't pray for Sean Taylor the professional, All-Pro, football player. I prayed for the Black man, the son, the father, the boyfriend, the friend, the cousin, the co-worker, the giver, the smile, the laughter, the intellect, the stature, the breath, the spirit. The unexplained violence against another Black man made me sick to my stomach. I prayed for healing. I prayed for the healing of our people. I prayed for the healing of his body. I prayed for his family...as I have for countless other Black men who have been victims of violent crimes against them.

I woke today to hear that Sean Taylor had died earlier in the morning. Wow... Another Black man gone because of senseless violence. I'm tired of this! I'm tired of people hurting other people! I'm tired of senseless violence! I'm tired of Black men dying! We need our Black men. We need our reflection. We need our strength. We need our intellect. We need our role models. We need our determination. We need our history. We need our protectors. We need our supporters. We need our creators. We need our inventors. We need our dreamers. We need our visionaries. We need our future. We need YOU, Black man.

I am thankful for the Black men who have helped shape my life...my daddy (need I say more), my Pop-Pop (set the standard), my brother (I love you), my Godfather (there's something in the name), my husband (my Rock), my son (can't imagine life without you), my brother-in-law (we've got our own thang), my uncles, my cousins, my friends, husbands of my friends, and children of my friends. In the words of Earth, Wind, and Fire, "Be ever wonderful. Time is right in your life tonight. Find your place in among the broadway light. Stay as you are, won't you stay in your own sweet way. Don't let the world change your mind." I need you. We need you. The world needs you...

Jill Scott sings about how much we can do on our own, but the truth is...We need YOU. Take a listen to her live performance in Paris and maybe this will soothe your soul...it has helped mine. May Sean Taylor and all of the other Black men who have died at the hands of violence rest in peace...

Extra, Extra! Read All about It!

I was in the middle of writing my post for today when I got distracted. I was listening to my ipod and searching for some appropriate music when I heard Harvest for the World by the Isley Brothers. That is my serious Thanksgiving song! "Gather every man. Gather every woman. Celebrate your lives. Give thanks for your children. Gather everyone. Gather all together. Overlookin' none. Hoping life gets better for the world....When will there be a harvest for the world?!"

Anyway, I was listening and then decided to read other blogs and web pages to help my juices flow. I checked out my girls' blogs The Crones' Kitchen http://thecroneskitchen.blogspot.com/2007/11/what-heck-is-crone-and-whats-up-with.html and Living Out LOUD http://livingoutloudnow.blogspot.com/, as well as my brother-in-laws webpage http://www.fiyastarter.com/ (it's satire at it's best folks). Then I took a look at my namesake's webpage, Still Me - The Cool Mom's Guide to Staying Hip http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/artsandliving/features/2006/still-me/ (because I think I am still hip;). Well, I have to say...job well done (as usual)! You made me look good girl! Check out the article at this link http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/26/AR2007112601063.html.

Thanks Jill for reminding us to be thankful for what we have (loving and caring families) and who we are(strong, beautiful, intelligent, funny,...Black women). Make sure to always, always, always...continue traditions (they are soothing to the soul and good for your kids), put love into your cooking (it makes things taste so much better. i know people say they put in their toe, but it's really love), and remember to carve out some space in the kitchen (yeah mama kim) for the womenfolk!

Thanks Jill!

talk to me

this blog has given me good vibrations... it has allowed me to write for a purpose. it has allowed me to communicate with my friends and family in a different way. it has caused me to look for the good in my life, even if it comes in the form of rough patches, because i know that a blessing is incoming. it has allowed me to share one of my gifts from God.

you all have given me positive feedback. i have heard how much you enjoy the blog. i have heard how the messages are right on time (watch 4 incoming, that's a part of the gift from God). thank you for those encouraging words. thank you for your open communication. thank you for all of your email messages...but, i would love for us to communicate on the blog page.

this blog is not just so you can read what's going on in my my life, my head and my heart. it is a place where we (everyone reading and i) interact, share, agree, disagree, vent, testify, shout, etc. so, please, please, please...write me back on the blog page. it's really not that hard. all you need to do is click on the comments link. it will take you to the page where you get a google account. if you have a google account, just sign in. if not, type in your email address, create a password, and create your display name. it's that simple!

please take a moment to write a comment on the blog page if you are moved to do so(thanks Dr. Monica - go Church Lane!, mama kim -you got me started, and mango mama - the inspiration) or if you're "in the zone" (isn't that right mommy?). you have a lot to share. you are intelligent. you are funny. your thoughts, comments, views and insights may be helpful to me or someone reading the blog.

so, in the words of tim gunn (in santino's voice), let's "make it work." and get this blog rolling.

can't wait to hear from ya.

the screams of passion

i've been hearing the screams of passion so much this weekend, that i think i'm going to join in. as much as i love the soundtrack from girl 6 (yes, it still plays in heavy rotation...just ask Bear, he'll tell you), that's not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about the strong, escalating, ear piercing screams of passion from my juicy boy because he doesn't want to go to sleep. mind you he is exhausted, but like his big sister, he is so nosy (i mean inquisitive--gotta watch the language), that he doesn't allow himself to sleep long!

juicy boy is seven months and three weeks now. he is very active. he's speed crawling all over the place. he's pulling up on anything and anybody (watch your legs) around. he loves to laugh, chase, roll around, and get pulled on the blanket by his sister. he participates in our evening dance party (oh, yeah, the stewart family is getting down to classic r & b every night courtesy of the channel on comcast) and has some mean moves;) he drools and makes us all laugh with delight at his husky laugh. he plays ball and his exersaucer keeps him actively entertained. we think we are wearing the boy down. we are wearing him down. juicy boy is tired around 7 or 8 at night. he goes to sleep right after miss princess. there is calm and peace in the house...until we hear those screams of passion 30 minutes later.

i call juicy boy's cries screams of passion because he is determined, no matter how long it takes (one night he screamed for over an hour...i was trying to ferberize him--too much for me!!) to get our attention, our hugs, our physical presence. he has this soothing crib toy that plays music in his crib that works for awhile and then the screams of passion start up again. he'll be comforted by Bear for awhile, but you know mama's got the goods and he's all over me sucking my face and pulling my hair to get his milk that i'm holding hostage. i feed on demand, so we make it work, but boy am i tired. juicy boy seems to like his milk every two to three hours! he used to wake up at night and self soothe a little more when he was younger. we've been trying to get him to self soothe again, but he ain't havin' it. now it seems like he's found his voice, literally, and we all get treated to the screams of passion a couple of times a night. we're lucky that miss princess needs her beauty sleep and once she's asleep, his cries don't wake her (thank you Lord).

Bear says that juicy boy just wants to be under his mommy. awwww. my heart is melting. juicy boy tugs at my heart strings just like the princess used to when she was his age. so, since she learned to sleep through the night, i know he will too. but in the mean time, i am floating on fumes. juicy boy serenades me nightly to those screams of passion (oooooh oooooh)...love for mommy...(that's my story and i'm sticking to it.)...how do i make it eveyr day? mother's love, ooh mother's love!

click one of the videos to the right and enjoy the real version of the screams of passion. they just take me back.

peace

cornucopia of happiness

it seems like puff the magic dragon (the princess),the pea in the pod (juicy boy), and i were just trick-o-treatin' last week, but Thanksgiving is just around the corner. literally. Thanksgiving is a special holiday. Thanksgiving is a spiritual holiday (religious and not religious). it is one when my spirit gets full. my spirit is full because of my love for my family and the gratitude i have for the blessings i have received.

i love my family! i love my family! i love my family! you know that my family members are my friends and my friends are my family members. i was so overjoyed this summer to go to our family reunion that i could barely contain my energy. i was hyped! i took over 100 pictures in three days of gg's (great grandmothers...shout out to princess' and juicy boy's Alice the Great!), neenee's (there's none betta than you glo!!!), buddah's (whose heart is soooo big?!!! do your cheeks hurt from smiling? pop-pop is smiling down on the legacy), aunties (or should i say slim goodie?), uncles, sisters, brothers (my twin in spirit...yeah, we really are related), cousins, wives, husbands (go Bear!), children, friends, craig an' 'em. i always feel a spiritual energy when i'm around my people. the hair on my arms literally stands up. i start talking fast and loud, my hands get all sweaty, and if i have my favorite family music on...(family reunion, harvest for the world, firecracker, that's what Christmas means to me my love, be grateful, etc.) i am just on fire in such a high vibration. so getting together on one day with the family for Thanksgiving just makes my heart feel good. we celebrate life (past, present, and future). we take time to be thankful for all of our many blessings. and you know that we what?...throw down (my brother makes some mean rolls and sweet potato pie)!!!

Thanksgiving is a day that i just think and thank all day long. God is awesome. one song that my cousin sara used to sing that is my Thanksgiving theme is be grateful. the song says, "be grateful because there's someone else worse off than you, be grateful because there's someone else who'd love to be in your shoes, be grateful, God said that He'd never forsake you, be grateful, for it will be alright...everything will be alright."

i am grateful for the many blessings that God bestows upon me and mine. i am grateful that i have a loving family. i am grateful for all of your friendships. i am thankful for the angels watching over me. i am thankful for my right mind (most of the time;) i am thankful for healthy and happy children. i am thankful for creativity. i am thankful for music...music is my life. i am thankful for intelligence, not measured, just mine. i am thankful for soul sistahs. i am thankful for ancestors. i am thankful for learning and growing. i am thankful for these things and so much more...

i am a cornucopia of happiness on Thanksgiving. i hope you feel the love overflowing in your direction.

pull out your silver slippers (or ruby red) and...ease on down

i watched the wizard of oz with my princess last friday night (fridays are our movie nights). i thought she should see the other version of the wiz. don'tcha like how in my life the wiz is the "original?" anyway...after looking at both movies on back to back fridays i thought about what draws me to them. i have everybody rejoice (can't you feel a brand new day?!) and if you believe (lena horne version) on my ipod. i sing the songs regularly and my princess and i have been easin' on down the road a lot lately. what i realized is that i love the message of the movies that says through it all; uncertainty, doubt, and fear, the power of overcoming and going beyond your situation lies within you.

the power of overcoming and going beyond your current situation or vision is something that i am working on. we are all like dorothy in her quest to get home...we have the power to (fill in your own blank) within us. that power within comes from God! dr. michael beckwith (ya'll know he's my man!! so anointed!!!!) tells us that the bible says, "it is done unto you as you believe" (you gotta check out this 30-minute sermon http://www.giftofagape.org/ ).

so, instead of looking at life from a deficit view (i'm broke, i don't have this, i can't do that...) i'm trying to look at life differently. i'm done with struggling (of my own doing) and fighting God's will. i am ready to do the work that allows me to recognize that i am available for something greater than what i can think or visualize at this time. i am ready to be so far outside of the box that the box is unrecognizable. i am available for the greater good...because i know that God is the power within me. i just need to remember to put on those silver or ruby red slippers each morning...so that i can ease on down the road (of life) with grace and spiritual dignity. now, please help me when i can't find my slippers in the closet.