i am black. i am unique.

I am Black. I am unique. Those are six words that my princess knows how to read. They are from the book Shades of Black which are on my Shelfari bookshelf below. I am so glad that my princess knows these words, knows how beautiful her brown skin is, knows how beautiful all the shades of brown of her family and friends are. I am glad that she has a comforter set with black ballerinas on them (i was on ebay workin' it out!). I am glad that all of her dolls (and Black Barbie heads...yes Godmommy, it was worth the trip) are various shades of brown. I am glad that her towels have black ballerinas on them. I am glad that she has a turtleneck with a brown girl ice skating (i found it at tj maxx). I am glad that she has many books with illustrations that look like her (thanks to all of the family and friends who fill her book baskets with these treasures). I am glad that Bear and I celebrate being Black and unique.

You know why I am glad for these things? Earlier in the month, my princess came home from school and told me that one of her "friends" in school told her that "only light skinned people can come to her party." Well...I was shocked and appalled. The clown in me said to Princess, "well you're light skinned, so you can go." Then I stopped, got serious, and asked her how the situation went down. She said she and her BFFs (one's Puerto Rican and light like my princess and one's family is from Bangladesh and brown like my brother) were together and the girl told them that only light skinned people could come to her party. I asked Princess what she said. She said she told the girl that she didn't care and that it wasn't nice. I told her that the next time she sees that chick (yes, that's who she bacame once she messed with my baby) to tell her how beautiful her brown skin is. Tell her that she doesn't want to be at a party where people are only liked because of the way they look. I also told her to play with other people and stick with her BFFs.

I was on FIRE internally. I wanted to meet that chick in the parking lot at three o'clock the next day! I was going to jack her up!!! I am friendly with her parents. We have voluntarily socialized with them outside of school and this message didn't fit with the interactions I've had. So when I heard this mess, I had to step back and think about where this chick got the message that light skinned was better. Did her parents know she was spouting evil mess like that? Was it really what her parents thought? Did she hear it at home? Where did she get that message and why did she feel the need to tell my brown baby and her brown friends? Then I realized that I really didn't care.

I didn't care who or where the message came from. What I cared about is that it was the first incident that my baby had with people judging her or people like her based on the way they looked...the color of their skin. It was her first racial incident...she's only four! DAMN! I took my energy and reflected on what I told Princess (in my calm Mommy voice). She and her friends are beautiful with their pretty brown skin. Princess said, "Yeah Mommy, like in the song A Pretty Little Baby (Nikki Giovanni that Glo hipped her to)." Yeah Princess, just like in your book, Shades of Black. You know what she said to me..."I am Black. I am unique." What an blessing in the midst of madness!

I thank God for this intelligent, creative, giving spirit who is a proud little Black girl. I thank God for my Princess.

Now don't think that I let this go. I interrogated her about what that chick said to her every day!!! I was about to 'pproach a chick if she stepped out of line again. Don't mess with my baby!! I haven't spoken to her parents about it yet. My namesake said I should tell her parents. Part of me wants to have the conversation with them, but part of me doesn't care to talk to them about it. What I care about is my child. I care about loving my child, providing my child with a healthy and proud racial identity, preparing my child to deal with life's ills and stings. I care about letting her know that even when people say or do ugly things, that they don't define her. I care about continuing to tell her she should be proud because she is Black. She is unique.